Sounds like a title ready to include a bunch of pity party chit chat huh! Don't worry, it's not, well, atleast I don't think it is :) Sometimes it is hard to put down in words what is going on. There are those things the Lord takes you on as part of our journey with Him and it's not always the route we thought we were taking. I have been reflecting on some things of the past and I found myself starting to play judge and jury. I think it's something I am too good at and the Lord has chosen this time to bring it to the surface and deal with it. Although the journey continues, the Lord is so faithful to bring me through each step of the way. It's very easy for me to get caught up in things and people and allow it to get me down. It's not even like you have to go looking for the problems. My heart gets so heavy at times and I all too often found myself in conversation with the Lord telling Him how He needs to fix it, fix them, fix it all to my liking. For the past year, the Lord allowed me to speak freely like that to Him, replaying my hurts, my pain, my frustration, etc. I wanted closure on some things and it didn't seem like it was ever going to happen. Lately, He has decided enough is enough. Don't you just love when that happens?!! Slowly and ever so gently, He started to put my focus on me and my life. I started listening to some great worship music about seeing Jesus face to face one day and of course would weep at the thought. (one of the songs is the one listed below in my last post) That's how it all began. Seeing Him, seeing me. He kept reminding me of Isaiah and chapter 5 where Isaiah is speaking out the 'woes' to those around him. He was right, he was speaking truth. But, we all know in chapter 6 what happens, Isaiah sees a vision of the Lord on the throne with the angels singing out. Isaiah quickly realizes who he is v5 'Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips For my eyes have seen the King The Lord of Hosts' Isaiah's seeing this vision in the midst of all the woes he is crying out to others and suddenly sees himself. We all know this, we have heard teachings on it, but it really became real to me, it continues to become real to me. God is not allowing me to have the usual talks with Him right now about this one or that one. He is quickly, and I am ever so thankful for that quickly, returning my thoughts to me and Him. Me standing before Him, me seeing Him face to face. Realizing how great a salvation I have and what have I ever done to deserve such a gift-nothing. I am undone! He sees the pains we go through, the hurts, even unfairnesses. That's for Him to deal with, not me. My eyes need to be refocused. My heart needs to be refocused. I am so thankful that the Lord is patient and kind. He always answers our prayer to draw nearer to Him. Often that pray is answered in the way we wouldn't choose at first, but when we see Him, when we see who our God really is, then we welcome His correction, His mercy, His love all the more. He doesn't want us to stay where we are-He desire that we grow continuously. I pray that all of us will always hear His still small voice-whatever it is that He has decided it's time for in your life-let Him. Our God doesn't just barge in, He knocks and waits for us to invite Him in to talk. You know how when you have teen daughters and they are going through what they go through at that age. You let them talk and say what they say for a time, they usually proceed to their room, closing the door behind them and lay on the bed sobbing about how unfair life is. I think that can be me at times. A Christian teenager. But you know how also, we moms will knock on their bedroom door and (hopefully) they will answer and let us in. (that's the difference between us and the Lord-sometimes I would just barge lol) We gently start to redirect their thinking, bringing them back to what is real, what is important, what matters.
"O praise the One who paid my debt And raised this life up from the dead"