He does remember

As you may have noticed I have not blogged in ages!! Been busy with lots of different things.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and this morning I thought about all the women for whom tomorrow will bring sorrow. For some, their Mom has passed away and they won't be able to share the day with them. For others, it is a day they would rather not be reminded of because it brings pain. As I considered whether or not to write about this subject today, I went to read my OYB and sure enough the story of Hannah is the OT reading today. I took it as from the Lord to go ahead and share. I wept as I read it and yet rejoiced in how the Lord answered her prayer. I wept because for some, they read Hannah's story and there is still no "Eli". There is still no "and the Lord remembered her. How many hurting women are there who think the Lord has forgotten them and has not heard their pleas and their cries for a baby.

Growing up, the only thing I ever wanted was to be married and have children. I did go through a stage of wanting to be an airline stewardess (sure wish I was at times) but nothing ever mattered to me except to have a family. I wanted to be a wife and a mom so badly. Before I was married I ended up having about 7 surgeries for ovarian cysts. Cysts that burst and bled into my body causing problems which resulted in having to have them surgically removed. Some were so infected that it resulted in gang green which almost killed me at one point. A month after we were married I had another cyst and this time the doctor told me that everything needed to go. My insides were too messed up and there was no alternative. My heart sunk! I couldn't believe that he was telling me this. Up until that point, I still held out hope to bear a child. This was the worse news I could have heard. The night before the surgery, I remember reading from James about praying when you are sick and your prayer will be heard and you can be healed. My understanding of God's Word was not that great at the time, but to me, this was pretty black and white. I went into the operating room with the thought that they would open me up and a miracle was to take place and nothing would be wrong. The surgery was quite long and in the recovery room, the doctor said 'everything is good, the surgery was a success-some other things too, but by that time my mind stopped. At that moment I turned my thoughts against the Lord. I felt as though He had let me down and forgotten me. He was God and if He wanted, He could have done a miracle and He didn't. Someone from the church came to visit me-she worked with women who had difficult pregnancies. I didn't want to be near her, I didn't want to hear anything she had to say.

As the enemy would have it, my ears and eyes were in tune to every story of child abuse-every article about a drug addicted mother abusing her child, a parent murdering their child or abandoning their baby-I read them all, saw all those news stories. I grew more bitter by the moment. My thoughts towards the Lord were not good. I remember thinking how cruel it was that He let those people give birth and He knew what kind of parents they would be but He couldn't let me have a baby! Yes, I was that far gone in my thoughts!!
My sister-in-law asked me to please go to women's study with her some months later. I went and sure enough we passed around prayer requests. Wouldn't you know that I received one from a gal who wanted prayer for a 'healthy pregnancy'. Ashamed to say, but I ripped it up in the parking lot and that was the last time I went to women's study for quite some time.

Thankfully, the Lord never ever gave up on me. I can't imagine someone having these thoughts of such anger and bitterness towards me and then just forgiving them as He forgave me. It's truly amazing!

The Lord had another plan for our life. He blessed us with an amazing little girl. My life would not be the same without her. She never would be my daughter if I could give birth to a child and the Lord knew that way before time! It's not just that she needed a family, it is that we needed her. There is no way that I would change anything about God's plan. His ways are most definitely better than my ways, and His plans oh so much better than mine!

A couple years later, my sister in law called and asked if I would consider helping out in childcare for the women's ministry. I did and wouldn't you know the age group I had for 2 years was newborns!! It was a joy and I am thankful God gave me the opportunity.

My heart goes out to all the women who long to have a child. God remembered Hannah, He remembers you. I realize too that for some, you may never bear a child, you may never adopt a child. But, you have a role in a child's life. In the lives of nieces, nephews, kids at church-there are so many children out there who need love and hugs.

There aren't always the answers to questions we have. God never told Job why things happened in his life as they did. In the past I have found myself saying 'when I get to Heaven, I am going to ask God....." I am begining to think that when I get to Heaven I will be so amazed to be in the sight of the One who loves me and forgives me, who takes each tear and bottles it up-I won't really care about the answer anymore.

I pray also for anyone who has bitterness-a lot or even a little right now, that you hand it over to the Lord. He really does want what is best for His children. He doesn't withhold anything good from us even if we think at times He does. Don't look for Him to answer your prayer the way you have in mind-He might have a different plan. May God comfort you and bring a song to your heart that only He can!

Wishing everyone a blessed and Happy Mother's Day!

xo

While the husband is away...

Well, Jim went to Hungary for a few days. Our car is still registered there and the motor inspection was due to be renewed. He loves going there and seeing all the people in Baja and it's a treat for him to be able to teach on Sunday while he is there. Baja will always have a special place in his heart. As for me, well, finding myself with no schedule and two cats, I was planning out what to do. That usually means furniture will be moved around and surprises await him when he gets home. Of course bruising and cuts and a few "I know I should have waited for you to do it because you are so much stronger than me but I couldn't help it". Sad to say, but the last time Jim was gone I decided to put together a wardrobe someone gave us...shall we say the whole thing collapsed on my legs and left swollen sores that took atleast a month to heal! I think I learned my lesson. The small guest/craft room really needs a going through. Stuff is all over the place-on the bed, on the floor, etc, etc. Empty jars and cans that I decided to save because-well, ya never know, I might need to use them for something find themselves sprawled in various spots of dressers and desks. It was a project I thought I would tackle this weekend......until.....I started looking online for ideas on how to organize the room. HA HA....and then I found myself in dreamland with all the options there are to this thing called organizing. I was tickled pink to find an idea for putting all your little odds and ends in-buttons, clips, etc. I had been using the jars, but this idea is even better. Take an old spice rack (which I happened to have in the cupboard) and clean out all the jars, pain the lids and glue cute little things on top of the lids: TADA: This was so much more fun than cleaning. I do think I should get some credit though because it is sort of organizing and all these jars are nicely arranged. The cool thing is that it swivels too :)

After patting myself on the back I decided I was in much too much of a creative mood to have to be dragged down with organizing and putting things away! That my friends will be saved for another day. Instead I wanted to make Spring come into my house. We have wanted to get some kind of entry table for the entryway. When you walk up the steps to our flat there is a big piece of wall there. We had a small bookshelf there but it never looked right. Well, in Jan, Jim was at a Pastor's Conf so I did a little more creating. I had two bottoms of a desk that were my sister's and mine when we were younger!!

Oh notice the sanded part-yeah, that was done when we lived in Vista and I had the idea that I was going to sand them and restain in another color. Ten years later guess what??!! I had the same idea! Put side by side these would make a great entry table. Jim even decided he liked the idea. Better than spending money on something new right now. Well, I waited and waited for the enthusiasm to overwhelm him and go to the paint store to get some stain and it just wasn't happening. A lightbulb went off in my head (yes that does happen every now and then) and I tore into the linen closet to find something to cover it. I found about 3yds of burgandy damask material I bought years ago at Walmart at their $1.00 a yard section and draped it over and pinned the excess to the back. It was very elegant looking, but too elegant for Spring. Today I found a light green tablecloth that either Sandy or Leona gave me a few years back and decided it would be perfect for now. "Is that all?" you may be asking yourself...of course not! I wanted to find things to put on the Springy table but was having a hard time finding the right things. Down to the garage I went....Oh my...what's that??? Pieces of wood and parts of cupboards tucked behind other pieces of things I have no clue what they are. Alas, I contourted my body in ways I never knew I could to reach these newly discovered jewels and smiled all the way up the stairs as I thought of how I could use them. This is what I came up with:

There were two little holes where the hinges or whatever would go so I thread some ribbon through it and put a flower in the center. I really like it!! Rose is going to bring some chalkboard paint for me so I am going to paint the inside part with that and write a verse on it. It's cool because with chalk we can erase it and put up new ones any time we want. I then found some clear vases and a candy jar and put them on the table-I want to go to the market and get some flowers next week and fill them with fresh ones. I found this wire frame a few months ago-just added some yellow ribbon to fit in with the decor. There are a few brown cupboards like this and I want to put one in our kitchen above the coffee area and hang a few cups on the end. I think it would also be neat to put a piece of cork in the middle and put pictures too....oh the possibilites are endless. If you went to the hardware store you can get pretty metal door pulls, put one on each side and you have a nice serving tray!!! Here's the finished look for now. I am not thrilled about it but it's much more inviting than before:

I attached some paper flowers to some sticks to spruce up the spare room too. It's our red, white and blue room. We have to keep our patriotism you know!! It's neat how just a little something can make a difference:

The sticks have been in the room since the holidays. I had it decorated for Christmas and then just decided to keep the white lights on it. I like sticks-they are free and you can do a lot with them!!

It was a little difficult at first as I was trying to think about moving things around and changing things to look like Spring. I realized I miss Ross soooooo much!!! Target too! I got a wee bit depressed as I looked around at my furniture I was a bit sad seeing that most everything is dented, scratched and mis-matched. I remember finding some things at Ikea in the 'slightly damaged' section and bringing them home. I sat there with all these pieces on the floor, instructions that might as well have been in Greek, and something that is supposed to be a screwdriver, a wrench or whatever you want to call it. So many people love Ikea!! It is a great store, but at the moment I just wanted to cry. All that came to my mind was that at 50 yrs old I didn't ever dream that I would be putting together my furniture in pieces. I never thought I would have mis-matched furniture or even live in an apartment, having to be careful that we don't make too much noise as to disturb the downstairs neighbors. Nope, that wasn't the life I had planned out for myself. But God knew what He had planned for us and it is oh so much better than I would have picked for myself. So, I don't have Ross or Target-but He has given me so much more. The people I have met, the lives that have touched mine and hopefully in return I have made a difference in others, the places God has allowed me to see-way beyond my wildest dreams. My parents have a timeshare and they would let us kids use it at times. When it was our turn I remember looking through the book of places to choose and didn't dare look at Europe because to me that was only a place where 'rich people' traveled. Oh how wrong I was!!! I remember watching The Sound of Music and never dreamed it possible that I would frolic those same hills..(do you like that word frolic lol) as the Van Trapp kids. What a privilege it is to be a child of God and live in the life He has planned out for us-all the while knowing that this place is not our permanent home-it's only temporary. And with that, I poured a glass of diet pepsi, went over to the computer, listened to this song and had a good cry. All better now :)

Choosing Forgiveness

Have you ever embarked on a journey where you know once you get to your final destination you will be excited and the road there will have been worth traveling on?
Some journeys are leisurely and others are a must. There are those roads we gladly take and others (like in Italy) that are going to cost to travel on. Along the way we will find ourselves on roads that are so smooth and easy to drive on. Others are filled with bumps, potholes, and even debris. Sometimes there are detours, traffic, even accidents that cause the journey to take longer than we expected.
There are journeys in life that are scary-perhaps we are afraid of what we may encounter along the way. It could be a road never really traveled before and the newness of it causes a bit of fear. Perhaps just thinking about the journey exhausts us and it seems like something that is going to take forever.
I remember as a youngster when we would go on family vacations. Imagine my parents with 6 kids in the car!!! As soon as school was out we would go to our house in the mountains –or as we called it “The Lake” since there was a lake right across the street that we spent most of our time at. About an hour into the trip one of us was asking “Are we there yet?” Soon to be followed by “how much longer til we get there?” and other time-related questions.
When I was in the states I saw a book some friends were reading “Choosing Forgiveness” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
I like every book I have read of hers and knew this one would be no different. It was also a subject matter that I knew in my heart I had to address.
A couple weeks ago, it was time to begin reading it. I knew that once I took the book into my hands and made the decision to read it I also had another choice to make. Was I going to read it as just another good book with biblical lessons or journey with the Lord on the road to forgiveness? It wasn’t something I could take lightly. There was literally a lump in my throat and even a tinge of fear as I looked at the book and decided it was time to read it.
“We simply don’t have any choice about many of the things that happen to us. Our only hope lies in realizing that we do have a choice about how we respond to life’s circumstances-and it is those responses that determine the outcome of our lives.” This is one of the quotes in the beginning of the book. So true and something similar to what most of us have heard before.
I have only read up to part of Chapter 2. There is a section where Nancy lists some things –as I read them and pondered my response to each one; it became even more evident that this is a choice much needed in my life-the choice to forgive, to allow God to do the work necessary in my heart. I was really ashamed of myself when I read those things and my response to them. My heart was so, so sad when the truth of what was in my heart was there before my eyes. Thankfully, God knows what we have need of and He appoints a time in our lives when He lays it before us –showing us our hearts and asking us to make that choice to allow Him to begin the work. To not forgive is sin-how much clearer can God's Word be. I rejoice in knowing that He doesn't just say this is what we have to do. He gives us His own example time and time again. He goes on this journey with us. He empowers us by the Holy Spirit to make the hard choices that need to be made.
I say a lot of things and I actually do mean them. When I say that I want to be able to forgive and I want to be kind to those who it’s so difficult to be kind to, I honestly mean it. But in these past couple of weeks it is becoming clear to me that saying and doing are two different things. I can say ‘oh I want to take a trip to England’ (ha ha, yes I really do) and talk about all the neat places to visit once there-but if I never get in the car or plane and go-what good is it?! Saying something and even having a deep desire to do it is non-productive if I don’t take the next step.
I think for so many of us, the forgiveness that needs to take place isn’t always some huge issue in the realm of things. For many of us it is personal, it has to do with people and words spoken, attitudes taken, hurtful things that we can’t seem to get past. Who was the wacko that made up that silly rhyme “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”. How dumb is that!! Often it seems easier to have someone throw a stick at us because at least the pain from that goes away. (No, I am not advocating throwing things at each other!!!) But words-oh how they sting, how they play over and over again in your mind. Once said, they cannot be taken back. I remember saying something to someone a couple years back and right as the words were coming out I knew at that very moment I shouldn’t have said them and yet there they were-they couldn’t be taken back! How I wish there was a delete button for the mouth!!
How do we forgive people who don’t think they have done anything wrong? How do we truly 100% hand over these things to the Lord and never ever take them back? I don’t know, but I want to find out.
On the cover page of the book, beneath the title is a subtitle-Your Journey to Freedom.
It’s so true! The end of this road leads to freedom! I want to know that freedom. I don’t want unforgiveness to have a foothold in my life and affect the way I think about certain things. I want to be able to go back to the 2nd chapter of this book and answer ‘no’ to each question asked. I desire that freedom that can only come from yielding completely to Jesus and His ways, His Words, His touch. To be clay in the Potter’s hand!

While We Were Sleeping

By now most everyone has seen the devasting news about the earthquake in Japan. This morning when I turned on my computer to see the news I was horrified by what I was seeing. It was only the begining. We had a girl staying with us this past week from Japan. She left yesterday and was due home today. We have heard she made it to Tokyo but has to sleep at the airport. Hopefully her reservation for tomorrow will bring her safely home. She lives in Okinawa and they were not affected by the earthquake.
My heart went out to the people who were in the picture where it seems the tsunami was taking homes and cars and all else it could with it. There were people waving white sheets or something trying to get the help they needed. I pray they made it to safety. I pray the Lord will use the Christians who are in Japan to minister to the physical as well as spiritual needs of those who so desperately need Jesus. Let's remember to keep them in our prayers.
I was talking to Jim this morning about this earthquake and the mass confusion it causes, the transit systems stopped, nuclear plants at risk, uncertainty, scramble to get information, communication lines down, and questions of why this happened. I listened to the BBC news and they would get experts on to interview to try and give an answer. One reporter asked an expert why are we having all these earthquakes and he could only reply "Noone knows the answer to that".

I thought about when Jesus returns. I think that is on so many of our minds these days which I am glad about. There was an urgency about it when I was first saved and then life somehow takes over and I found myself not always living as though Jesus may come back at any moment.
The song "While You Were Sleeping" has been one of my favorites ever since I first heard it. My thoughts went to that song this morning. As many of us lay sleeping, this devastion came upon so many in Japan. I couldn't help but wonder that when Jesus returns people in the world will be sleeping and when they awake, they will awake to mass confusion. They will be caught off guard, unaware, searching for answers, seeking out the experts trying to figure out what happened. Imagine as they turn on the news the chaos that will be being reported. Airplanes left without pilots, vehicles without drivers and passengers, people disappearing from homes, businesses, markets. Parents left dumbfounded as to where their child have disappeared to.
Today the stockmarket was affected because of the earthquake-imagine the monetary system on that day!

All day today there was talk about how the tsumani would reach other countries. It was interesting to read about the levels. First there is the advisory, the alert, the watch and then the warning. It almost seems we can apply these to Jesus's second coming. We have been advised to be on alert-to watch-we have been warned. We are given the signs.
I believe that we as Christians have to get back to that urgency that Jesus could come at any moment. We need to advise people what the bible says. We need to warn them of the devastation that will take place. Emergency crews, policemen, firemen, mayors-all of them have been alerting the people to get to higher elevation if they lived near the coast. It was up to the people to heed the warning. I am always amazed during any catastrophy-be it a fire or a warning like this tsunami how there are people who refuse to heed the warning. They would rather guard their homes and their valuables. They want to think it isn't as bad as people are saying. The same is true as we warn people about Jesus's return. Some won't think it's true-they would rather do things their own way. How terribly sad!

We need to be occupied with Him and the work He has given us to do-whatever that is.
Years ago the buzz was always about Jesus coming back! You couldn't really go through a day with Christian friends without someone talking about it. "Maranatha" was a word used so often. I want to get back to that! Let's remind each other daily that today could be the day. Let's ask the Lord to bring that urgency back into our lives. Let's go out and share God's Word with as many as He calls us to-if they don't respond positively, atleast we gave the opportunity. There is such an urgency in my heart to give out as many invites to church and cards with the Gospel message on it.

When you watch the news reports on the earthquakes, pay special attention to the faces of the people. Look at their grief, pain, their uncertainty. Then, imagine these kinds of looks on the faces of those who are left behind. Ask God to rekindle the fire in your heart, to go and share His love with everyone you can.
Marantha, He is coming!!!

Got internet??

A couple weeks ago, the phone rang and Mr Lovey was asked for by name. I gave the phone over to him and thought nothing of it. About a half hour later my curiosity got to me, wondering who could be engaging my husband for such a long period of time. He soon hung up and I inquired as to who was on the other end. "Oh, we are getting a 'new and improved, lower rate phone and internet service'". I quizically looked at him, wondering if I heard correctly and I believe a "You've got to be kidding me" response came out. After all, haven't we all been warned time and time again that if it sounds too good to be true then it probably is.
I decided to investigate 'said service' on the internet to see what kind of reputation they had. I quickly realized that they made lots of promises that resulted in people hearing their problems would be taken care of in a week and 45 days later they are still waiting!! "Please call them and tell them no, dear" were my words.
Fast forward to Monday morning-I go to turn on my computer and the internet usually pops on automatically. To my surprise-no internet! Gee, I wonder what happened!! I quickly storm calmly walk into the room to yell rationally speak to Mr. Lovey about this problem. To the phone he went, dialing the number to this 'new and improved' company to find out what is happening. I am certain that all the while he was dialing he was praying that this was some mix-up that would quickly be resolved by the time he hung up the phone. Nope, not going to happen that way. I hear him say things like "but the guy promised there would be no interruption of service, he told me nothing would go wrong" In the meantime, I am sitting there moving my leg back and forth at such a rapid pace I could have won any race had there been one. While waiting for Mr Lovey to get off the phone my head filled with all the different things I could say to him once he hung up. How I longed to have my say! But after a bit, a voice kept saying "drip drip, nag, nag" What?? No, go away, then louder, drip drip, nag nag...until I finally had to get up and go out of the room.Stomping Walking away, you would have thought that I was elated, overjoyed, running to find my journal to write such sweet words of adoration that I had been stopped from spewing out torrents of phrases to belittle and put down Mr. Lovey over this issue. After all, I was right!! I knew I was right and I wanted to rub it in remind Mr. Lovey that he did, after all, marry Mrs. Right! Ah, but the Holy Spirit was more powerful-the Lord had such grace upon Mr. Lovey and wouldn't let those awful words come out and make him feel worse than he already did! Slowly, I succumbed to the realization that being Mrs. Right isn't always the best thing-especially at the cost of inflicting meanness upon the one I love. (now mind you, it doesn't always end this way-I still have lots of growing to do.)

Poor Mr. Lovey-he had to phone the company that we originally had the service with and tell them we want our service back (being informed that it can take several days-we are now on day 3 of no service) Then, we receive a note from the 'new and improved' guys that our service has now been activated-really? I think their version of activation just means "hey, we gonna start chargin ya now even if it ain't workin yet" . In the meantime, Mr. Lovey had to buy this little contraption that goes into the computer and gives you so many hours of internet service.

It's quite a drag because I keep forgetting to disconnect it every time I am away from the computer-usually we just leave the internet on so this is a hard thing to remember!!

I think I did manage to get in one "well you know I am usually right" but I said it with a smile so maybe that's ok???? And Mr. Lovey responded "no, you're not always right". Hmm, guess we'll have to work on that one!

And to think that some people think we Christians have boring lives! I guess they don't know too many of us huh!

Praise the Lord for lessons learned, attitudes adjusted, Holy Spirit power and bad thoughts repented of!

I best be getting off the computer now! The clock is ticking :)

Cupcake anyone?

What a couple months it has been-between back pain, fevers, headaches and anything else in between-hopefully we are at the end of it. The other night I had such severe heartburn as never before I couldn't even sleep. Is this the joy of aging???

The week before Valentine's Day I announced to the kids in Sunday School that we were going to have a party. They were excited, especially the older one because we would decorate cookies. We normally do that at Christmas, but this year we didn't have time. During the week I looked all over the internet for different heart projects to do where they would learn about God's love for them. Besides making cookies, I wanted to make some cupcakes. There are a ton of adorably decorated cupcakes out there and I found some printable cupcake wrappers to print and cut out. I also printed out pictures of the kids so their heart projects were a little more personal.

(these are the cute wrappers I found at Skip to My Lou)
Sunday morning I carefully finished putting all the cute wrappers around the cupcakes and topped them off with some sweet sprinkles. Who was more excited-me or the kids?!! I love doing things like this. (I think it's from serving in women's ministry in Vista with so many talented women and having great inspiration) It's a joy to me. I love to see the kids eyes sparkle in awe as they see things that are completely new to them. So into the car and onto church we go.................

While on the way, we get a call from one of the families-the flu has struck their family and they won't be able to make it. A little later another call came....and so it was that only 1 of 6 would be there that day. At first my heart just sank and the initial reaction was to think it was such a waste of time, energy and even enthusiasm- a huge letdown. Thankfully, the Lord didn't allow me to go there. Disappointed for a bit, yes, but making a choice to give it straight over to God won out. The enemy so wants to make us seem like our efforts are all in vain, unappreciated, and unnoticed. He wants to rob us of our joy in serving God-to give up because after all, what's the use!
It was a good reminder to me about who I serve and why I do the things I do. Keeping Jesus as the focus and purpose of all we do helps to ease the disappointments when they come. When our desire is to please Him then we know that nothing is in vain. We know that we have done what He put in our hearts to do and He is well pleased with our obedience. If we constantly try to please man and put God second, we will always be disappointed and frustrated. Man will always fail us-we will fail one another in some way or another at some point in our lives. God doesn't meausre success or failure the same way we do. Man is result oriented-seeing instantly with the eye the reward of his work. We won't always see the immediate result of our obedience to the Lord. Often times it will be His working something in our hearts, something perhaps that noone else sees but you and He. Is that enough? Does that make the effort worth it? It did for me that Sunday. There is a joy knowing that my Heavenly Father cared enough to teach me something new that day. He did an inward work through my outward work. I wouldn't want to trade it for anything.
Thankfully, the cookies could keep until the following Sunday and the kids were so excited that they didn't miss out on all the fun!
The cupcakes....well....us big people ate some and then Jim and I forced ourselves to eat the rest during the week since they wouldn't freeze well :)

Love

Just a short note today-I wanted to share with you how romantic my husband is. Yes, my sweet loving adorable hubby!!! He really is amazing!


A couple of years ago I made a Valentine card for him and sent it to him via email. He lovingly sent one back to me:

He is a creative genius I tell you!

I know some people loathe this day. It used to be sad in high school when they would sell roses for you to give to people you were "in love" with and you didn't have anyone "in love" with you. Well, my friends and I just sent them to each other and made everyone else curious as to who our secret admirers were! Yah, I am certain much sleep was lost that night as they tossed and turned trying to figure out that one!! LOL!Oh but we have our Jesus who loves us with an everlasting love. Love that never disappoints, never fails, never changes. God is love! It's not just a saying, it's reality. It's a precious promise from the One who never goes back on His Word! What more could we ask for :)